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Lyrics are really beautifully embedded in the video for this one.


And unrepentant Loki here...

Digital Daggers Lyrics:

"The Devil Within"

I will keep quiet
You won’t even know I’m here
You won’t suspect a thing
You won’t see me in the mirror
But I crept into your heart
You can’t make me disappear
Til I make you

I made myself at home
In the cobwebs and the lies
I’m learning all your tricks
I can hurt you from inside
I made myself a promise
You would never see me cry
Til I make you

You’ll never know what hit you
Won’t see me closing in
I’m gonna make you suffer
This hell you put me in
I’m underneath your skin
The devil within
You’ll never know what hit you

I will be here
When you think you’re all alone
Seeping through the cracks
I’m the poison in your bones
My love is your disease
I won't let it set you free
Til I break you

You’ll never know what hit you
Won’t see me closing in
I’m gonna make you suffer
This hell you put me in
I’m underneath your skin
The devil within
You’ll never know what hit you

I tried to be the lover to your nightmare
Look what you made of me
Now I’m a heavy burden that you can’t bear
Look what you made of me
Look what you made of me
I’ll make you see

You’ll never know what hit you
Won’t see me closing in
I’m gonna make you suffer
This hell you put me in
I’m underneath your skin
The devil within
You’ll never know what hit you

The devil within
You'll never know what hit you


And another...

Apocalypta lyrics:

I try to make it through my life, in my way, there's you
I try to make it through these lies, and that's all I do

Just don't deny it,
Don't try to fight this, and deal with it
And that's just part of it

If you were dead or still alive
I don't care, I don't care
Just go and leave this all behind
Cause I swear (I swear) I don't care

I try to make you see my side
I always try to stay in line
But your eyes see right through
That's all they do

I'm getting buried in this place
I got no room, your in my face
Don't say anything just go away

If you were dead or still alive
I don't care, I don't care
Just go and leave this all behind
Cause I swear (I swear) I don't care

Love changing everything, you won't be left for me
Love changing everything, you won't be left for me

If you were dead or still alive
I don't care, I don't care
Just go and leave this all behind
'Cause I swear (I swear) I don't care

If you were dead or still alive
I don't care (I don't care) I don't care (I don't care)
Just go and leave this all behind
I don't care (I swear) I don't care
At all


Here are the lyrics that go with it:
(gothic) Can't Control Me
All music and lyrics created by Runae Moon Copyright protected. © gothic moon music

My quiet unyielding anger is surfacing.
Haters! Beware, your words have no power here.
I'm stronger then you for I see the truth.
Break me never I'm not made of glass.
You cannot control me.
Your words are mean but empty.
You cannot control me.
You fail so stop your trolling.
Back off of me you cannot stop me.
Can't stand your drama gives me nausea.
Spewing your hate hoping we'll vacate.
You're dumb I'm numb it's from your stupid games.
Can't control me. Are you mad?
Well too damn bad. You're nothing to me.
Maybe I'll come troll you. *evil giggle*
gothic moon music  less
- See more at: http://www.darkasylum.co.uk/videofeed/bIRdQsuUnzo#sthash.tt1chtJe.dpuf


The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Just went to see the Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug, and was much more impressed with it than the first Hobbit movie. Especially after seeing the so-called "extended" version.  Never seen so many absolutely pointless scenes added to a movie that already rather dragged in places (like during the silliest chase scene, ever.  I mean, Radagast & the bunnies.)  I did *not* need to see the dwarves making utter asses of themselves in Rivendell.  Really.  Didn't.  Though it was a bit amusing when Kili admitted to finding the *male* elf attractive.  Not realizing.  Apparently it must be hard to tell male and female dwarves apart.

However, this second installment made up for the disappointments of the first.  Who wouldn't enjoy seeing Gandalf vs Sauron aka the Necromancer (even if he did lose).  Also, I loved Beorn's ponies -- I wonder what breed they were?  They were extremely pretty ponies, anyway.  I wanted to take them home and weave flowers into their manes.

But the best thing about this movie was, for a change, *not* Orlando Bloom as Legolas, but Lee Pace as his father, Thranduil.  Wow.  He was *stunning*.  Totally arrogant and self-satisfied, of course (though I had to wonder what that bit where his face momentarily showed signs of having been ravaged by, presumably, dragonfire signified.  Is he wearing an illusion all the time? or was the damage an illusion of what had since been healed?).  Stunning and utterly ruthless and contemptuous of everyone not an elf & indifferent to their fates.  Sort of reminded me of Jason Isaacs as Lucius Malfoy, back when he had some backbone and was really, y'know, putting his heart into Being Evil.  Also, COOLEST CROWN EVER.  I would love to have an 7 inch action figure of Thranduil to go with my Legolas.  Alas, this does not appear to exist (yet).  Because -- stunning, and the cool crown.

Hope we get to see him riding a giant -- whatever that was in the first movie -- a deer? -- in the *next* movie.  It was like something from Japanese anime, really.  Maybe Princess Mononoke.  Forest gods.

I did enjoy seeing Legolas get to do so much in this movie.  Along with his friend, the elf Tauriel, another strong female character (whom Peter Jackson made up of whole cloth).  One thing I really like about these movies is that Jackson has given female characters actual heroic stuff to do.  That bothered me even when I was a child, the complete unfairness of the fact that the (few) women in the Hobbit & LotR stayed home & cooked & cleaned & looked pretty.  Except Eowyn.  But she only got to be heroic because she had a deathwish or something, due to her unrequited luuuurve for Aragorn.  Pathetic.  But she was better off hooking up with Faramir in the end, if she absolutely Couldn't Live Without True Love, or a man, or whatever her problem was.  Low self-esteem, probably.  Anyway, kudos to Peter Jackson for including women we actually can respect.  And who get to have fun, too, instead of leaving it all to the men.

Also, we can thank Peter Jackson for giving Bard the bowman an *actual personality* and backstory.  I liked him.  And next movie, he'll get to be all heroic and slay a dragon, which will be totally cool.

Jackson has improved the dwarves, too.  Forget the nonsense with the trolls & drunken shenanigans in An Unexpected Journey.  This time out the gate, the dwarves finally got to show their mettle.  It was touch and go for a while there, but they actually took on Smaug, *themselves*, instead of leaving it all to Bard.  They didn't manage to kill him, but they sure *tried*.  The special effects were fabulous!

Can't not mention Smaug, here.  Voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch, who deserves some sort of award for it.  *Best dragon voice, ever*.  Loved all the dialogue between Smaug and Bilbo (some of it straight from the book).  Also, with Martin Freeman playing Bilbo, it was like Old Home Week for the Sherlock set.  Freeman is perfect as Bilbo, btw.  He makes Frodo look like a total wimp.

In conclusion, I had my doubts about expanding The Hobbit to 3 movies, and I'm not entirely happy with An Unexpected Journey (particularly the expanded version).  But the added scenes in this movie really did add substance to the plot.  All the stuff in Mirkwood (Thranduil! And a much better chase scene via barrels), and Laketown (Bard is vastly improved with a personality), and making the dwarves do more heroic stuff themselves, rather than simply sitting back and reaping the rewards of Bard taking care of their little dragon problem.  They really did seem greedy and worse, ungrateful, in the book when they wouldn't even help out Laketown, which only got burned because they woke the dragon.

I'm really looking forward to the third movie now!
I am enjoying Tom Hiddleston's portrayal of Loki so much!  He made the first Thor movie for me, and he definitely made the second one, too.  He dominated every scene he was.  My only regret is that he wasn't in more of them!

Of course, I thoroughly detest Odin, the old reprobate.  Chastising Loki for his ambition, when we *saw* him planting the seeds of that ambition with his own words in the first movie ("only one of you can sit on the throne of Asgard but you were both born to be kings").  Apparently, Odin meant Loki was slated to be the puppet-king of Jotunheim, never King of Asgard, and since he ruined that plan, he no longer has any value for Odin.  And of course, he's not actually Odin's son, so unlike Thor, he gets no possibility of redemption.  I loved it in TDW when Loki actually draws parallels between his actions and Odin's, though this of course infuriates Odin even more.  So he disowns him & locks him up forever.  And tells him that he was "born to die" and that he'll never see his mother again.  Odin is actually a very cruel old man, now revealing his true colors.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no supporter of Loki's plan to exterminate the jotuns.  Considering what Asgard is like, I suspect the frost giants were demonized by the victors. But canonically, Bor committed genocide of the Dark Elves (not his fault he missed a few!.)  I guess that was OK because, hey, THEY WERE EVIL AND WANTED TO DESTROY THE UNIVERSE.  But Loki & Thor were raised to think Bor was the cat's whiskers, and also that ALL THE FROST GIANTS ARE EVIL, TOO.  And dear old Dad probably put them to bed with stories of heroically slaughtering thousands of Loki's relatives.  Hell, they put up statues to Bor.  Giant statues.  In the flashback of their childhood, young Thor is not taken to task for wanting to "kill all the monsters." Odin pointedly never says genocide is wrong. Only that a good king doesn't seek out war (but by god, he's always ready for it).  I find it not difficult to believe that, like Thor, Loki grew up with a distorted sense of the morality of killing large numbers of people because they are "evil" by nature.

I wonder how many people were as disgusted by Odin's behavior toward Jane as I was?  He is willing, nay, he insists on throwing her out to die, despite the fact his genuine, blood son loves her, because she's just an insignificant mortal, a "goat at the banquet" that is the Magical & Immortal Realm of Asgard.  It makes you wonder why he got so upset over Loki killing a few thousand of those worthless humans in the first place

I think Odin is an elitist snob of the first ilk.  As well as a liar and a hypocrite and the worse parent, ever.  Also, I suspect that he hates the frost giants as much as he does the Dark Elves.  Now that Loki is no longer obedient & desperate for Odin's approval but has gone off making wars on his own, without Odin's sanction and even worse, become defiant & unrepentant, Odin's solution is to execute him.  It's only Frigga's intercession that saves him from this fate.

I wasn't impressed with Frigga before, and she still seems  distressingly convinced of her husband's wisdom & infallibility in TDW, but at least she grew a backbone in this film.  I'm quite sure Odin forbade her to visit Loki, but she found a way around this by projecting herself into his cell.  Which is something, I guess, even if it was to lecture him.

My opinion of Thor, never high, hit an all time low when he offered Loki vengeance for Frigga's death -- and then a return to his life sentence in solitary confinement.  Besides being beyond cruel, it was stupid.  If he'd extended a hand to Loki *then*, when Loki is the most vulnerable we've seen him since that scene in the Vault, he might have assured himself of Loki's undying loyalty.  Or maybe not.  We'll never know.  He did somewhat redeem himself as the movie went on.  I enjoyed all the brotherly snarking (Loki got the best lines) as they were escaping from Odin's minions.  And he did seem to be upset when Loki died in his arms.  And when he thought he was addressing Odin at the end, he did say that Loki died heroically.  That's more than I expected of him at the beginning of the movie.

But the absolute BEST moment in TDW comes when Thor decides to turn down the throne & leaves to return to Midgard.  Then the prestige is finally revealed and we see that it is LOKI who now sits on Asgard's throne.

I didn't see that coming and it was the best scene ever!  Also, it renewed my faith in Loki as a Trickster God and I hope Marvel continues with that interpretation rather than reverting him to the comic book "God of Evil" persona.  There was a touch of that in "The Avengers", though of course his incoherent invasion scheme in that movie would have embarrassed the consummate plotter that is comics Loki!
In fact, I'm not going to post much today, just tried to see if I could remember my password, etc.  I've been reading loads of Loki fics in the wake of the Thor & Avengers movies; so I'll be adding a bunch of recommendations this weekend.

The Birthday Present (a Wiseguy fanfic)

I've been stripping the content off the last of my old floppies and found this story, written back when I was a huge fan of this show.  Decided, what the hey, why not post it here?

Disclaimer: Neither Vinnie Terranova nor Sonny Steelgrave belong to me. More's the pity. Pre-slash (Vinnie/Sonny).

The Birthday Present
by Ynath Esrith

“Happy Birthday, Vinnie.  Say ‘hi’ to Kiki.  Great surprise, eh?  This is the creep who killed your cousin.  I told you I’d get ‘im.”  Laughter.  “I love it, I love it!”

Sonny’s satisfied laughter rang in his ears, scorching him like acid, bile rising in his throat as he realized, /he did this for *me*.  Murdered for *me*.  And I - I *asked* him to.../

He felt a scream of denial clamor for release and choked it back, felt nausea sweep him in a swift, destroying flood, and somehow kept it from his face.  This was Sonny’s *gift* to him and he’d laid it at Vinnie’s feet, like a cat bringing home a dead mouse, purring with a job well done.

He couldn’t blame Sonny for this, for the dead man sprawled behind them across the back seat of the limo.  Sonny was a predator.  Killing meant nothing to him.   He’d taken out Kiko Vanno without a second’s thought, even though that it could have jeopardized his multi-millon dollar deal with the Zaratzos.  Okay, so maybe he didn’t like the Zaratzos very much and was just as happy they were out of his life.  And he’d still made money on the deal.  But Vinnie knew, in his gut, that Sonny would’ve done it anyway, even if it had cost him.  Because he, Vinnie Terranova, had asked him for his cousin’s killer.  He couldn’t even pretend to himself that he hadn’t realized that he was soliciting a murder.

And what did that say about him, about how far he’d embraced the violence?

They’d warned him during his training against being sucked into this perilous world.  They’d cautioned him about the seductions of money, power, women, the game-playing, the adrenaline rush.  They hadn’t warned him about the dangers of love.  Maybe they thought that his moral revulsion would preclude any attraction to the players. 

But they hadn’t factored Sonny Steelgrave into the equation.  Vinnie had felt it from the start, from the fight in the warehouse, something dark and sweet and, oh, so dangerous, lying between them.  Something that made his soul shiver whenever Sonny touched him -- and Sonny loved to touch him. 

Steelgrave felt it, too.  It was why he’d risen so high, so fast.  Sonny wanted him beside him.  The mob boss had given him everything a wiseguy could dream of, money, power, and more.  He’d given him his trust.  And the mobster wasn’t a man who trusted easily, hemmed in as he was by his enemies, jackals circling, smelling weakness as he floundered after Dave Steelgrave’s death. 

When his cousin Danny was murdered, his death rigged to look like a drug overdose, Vinnie was furious that the Law he believed in couldn’t, or wouldn’t, help him.  It sickened him that McPike was willing to let Vanno bargain his way into the Witness Protection Program; his cousin’s killer walking free.  He’d known exactly what he was doing when he went to Sonny for help. And Sonny had delivered him his vengeance. 

It was lying, flesh cooling in death, not three feet from him.

The first shock, the self-recrimination yielded to a stark satisfaction.  Danny’s killer had died, in his turn, by violence.  The innocent had been avenged, the furies fed.  Now his cousin could rest in peace, his shade appeased by his killer’s blood.  This was justice, by codes older than the rule of Law, the precepts of the Church.

Vinnie felt dizzy.  He was losing himself, his moral compass spinning out of control, all because of the man who sat beside him, too dangerously attractive.  What would Frank say if he knew what was happening?  Vinnie almost snorted.  That was a no-brainer;  McPike would pull him out.  But what if he didn’t want to go?  What if he was where he wanted to be, here, at Sonny’s right hand? 

If only he could stop thinking about all the other places he’d like Sonny’s right hand.

Sonny had stopped laughing.  He reached out and stroked Vinnie’s face once, lightly, with the backs of his fingers, then slapped his cheek affectionately.  “I told you I’d take care of it,” he reiterated, with easy warmth, eyes gone soft with that forbidden, unspoken emotion.  “Trust me, Vinnie.  You look after me, I look after you.”

Vinnie believed him.  As he stammered his way through the expected words of gratitude for this rough justice, he had the sense that he was sinking into deep waters and Sonny’s gaze was the only thing that could keep him from drowning.  This was wrong, he shouldn’t feel like this, he shouldn’t love this man.  Steelgrave was amoral and corrupt, a killer, a criminal, everything Vinnie despised, everything he’d sworn to bring down.

And he didn’t care.

His fingers trembled slightly as they ghosted delicately over one smooth cheekbone, along the sharp jawline, to trace the outline of smiling lips.  Then his hand fell into his lap.  His eyes dropped, his breathing in abeyance, as he waited for Sonny’s reaction. Had he just committed suicide?  Earned himself a trip to some deserted woods, a hollow point to the head and a shallow grave, because he’d misjudged Sonny’s machismo? Was it even what he wanted? 

He heard the warm chuckle.  “Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie,” reproved Sonny, teasingly.  “You gotta watch that.  Someone took that the wrong way, you could get yourself popped.” 

Strong fingers locked onto his shoulder, the pressure reassuring.  Vinnie looked up reflexively.  Sonny was staring at him, his eyes full of barely banked heat.  He touched the controls and the window slid up, hiding the corpse from view.  “Okay, Vinnie,” he said, his voice rich with promise.   “Let’s take out the trash.  Then we’ll go back to your place and celebrate.  Whatta ya say, huh?  Is it a plan?”  He laughed, a free and happy sound, the sound of a man with nothing on his conscience.

Vinnie smiled back, feeling his last defenses crumble.  “Yeah,” he agreed, huskily, his fingers closing over the hand that still gripped his shoulder.  “It’s a plan.”



I've had a kind of hobby for a long time now, after I tired of buying fanzines and being disappointed with the contents, of creating my own "zines" out of stories I really like, adding pictures & coverart, & comb binding them with my own supplies/comb binding machine.  It was a lot cheaper than "commercial" fanzines, and ensured that I liked all the content!  Unfortunately, I've also thrown a lot of these "zines" out over the years (due to space considerations), and now that I've signed up for Amazon's Cloud Drive & started backing up my files to the cloud, I've discovered that I don't even have e-copies left of many of them.  I'd even lost Oklahoma, the angst-filled Mulder-as-profiler vs serial killer-hooked-on-T.S. Elliott, X-Files novel that was the very first fanfic I ever read online. What happened to all of them? were they on floppy discs that went bad before I could transfer them to a more durable medium?

Thank goodness for the Wayback Machine -- I was able to recover Aoe's wonderful Weiss Kreuz novels.  Others are still readily available & I'm working my way through my inventory of authors/stories to try to re-create all the missing novels/collections & then upload them to Cloud Drive.  I'm grateful that at least I was wise enough to grab Tritorella's stunning Weiss Kreuz masterpieces, Zerbrochen & Geheilt, before they disappeared off the Net (not even the Wayback Machine can access them now).  They were among the first things I uploaded to Cloud Drive. 

While working on this project, I realized that I'd been neglecting many many fandoms in favor of Harry Potter lately, and that, really, I was burned out on Harry Potter.  Everything was starting to sound like that other story I'd already read!  So I've been visiting neglected websites (including the much-maligned FF.net) & have found some worthwhile new stories (at least, new to me).  Spoilers ahead!

Hazard Pay by LilyMoon'sAlias is a satisfying Cloud/Reno post-FF7AC fic, with a little bit of action vs some minor players still harkening after Reunion.  Reno has been assigned by Rufus Shinra to guard Cloud's back as he has heard he's in danger (Cloud is useful; there's no friendship behind this).  Reno makes the mistake of not telling Cloud why he's tailing him around. So when their relationship heats up & Cloud finally finds out Reno's assignment, he is not happy about the deception.  I'm enjoying all LilyMoon'sAlias' titles. She also writes Weiss Kreuz fics -- I'll try them next. 

Handle with Care by XpaperplaneX is a sad but also a little funny and a little hopeful FF7 AU fic.  Sephiroth, who helped destroy Jenova at Nibelheim & sustained severe brain injuries as a result, mistakes young Cloud Strife for a chocobo toy & doesn't want to give him up because (a) Shinra has virtually abandoned him (except when they want him to fight a monster) & (b) his friends have deserted him (except Zack, who was never that close).  People leave, but toys never do... President Shinra insists that Sephiroth be allowed to keep his "toy". Sephiroth is dangerously unstable but still useful. Zack & Reno's Owner's Manual for the Cloud Toy is a hoot. Cloud never becomes a SOLDIER in this but he doesn't need to -- he has his own strength & becomes Sephiroth's protector. (There's no sex, which would be seriously squicky with Sephiroth so child-like from the brain damage!)

Nekojita is still updating her FF7 Game series, which is fabulous if you've never read it.  How she can make Rufus Shinra & Reno be simultaneously absolute bastards & incredibly hot takes real talent <g>!  Rufus is utterly ruthless, ambitious, unethical & sadistic. His only redeeming virtues are a) he isn't as bad as his father, b) he's loyal to the Turks, and c) he loves Reno (eventually). Reno is an adrenaline junkie, a guttersnipe, completely amoral, sarcastic, driven, just as ruthless as Rufus, and a masochist.  He enjoys torturing people (who've tried to kill his boss/lover).  His only redeeming virtues are a) his absolute loyalty to the Turks and Rufus Shinra and b) he loves Rufus (again, eventually) and would die to protect him. They fight like cats. They fuck beautifully.  The fact that two so deeply flawed human beings are capable of such profound love for one another is astounding & one of the things that hooks you on this series. And wow! Just wow!  The sex is smokin'!  You can feel your own ethical standards fly out the window when you read these stories -- you can't help but root for every twisted scheme they come up with <g>.  This universe just sucks you in!

In my surfing, I found a link to this, which really makes me wish I had a Playstation!